Anonymous asked: Do you think it means anything if someone refuses to reciprocate oral? I love my boyfriend to death, but it's starting to actually drive a wedge between us. He expects getting head as part of foreplay, but is adamant about not eating me out because, "There was a bad experience with a girl that wasn't clean a few years ago." And it's more than a little frustrating because I'm obviously not that girl. Sex is super selfish on his end and I try bringing it up, but I get shut down..
I dated a dude like that once and it affected my self esteem for a long time. On one hand, people have preferences and shouldn’t be made to do things they don’t want to. That is very important.
But also, there is a double standard going on here which I suspect has more to do with misogyny than his experience. Historically, we are socialized into behaviors that reflect the view that women’s bodies are dirty (see his “wasn’t clean” comment) and shameful but also, paradoxically, that they exist solely for men’s pleasure. A quick search of cunnilingus will bring up dozens of articles on why men shouldn’t have to reciprocate orally on women. It’s a pretty widely accepted stance and your boyfriend probably falls into that. It’s not represented in popular culture or porn the way blow jobs are, and when it is occasionally featured it is in the light of “look what a good guy he is, doing her a huge favor!” In of the things I found, Dr. Dudebro wisely advises us that “the amount of stimulation cunnilingus provides is unnatural. Think about it: If the clitoris was meant to receive that much direct stimulation, Mother Nature would have placed it within the vaginal walls instead of on the periphery”. SCIENCE! IF I CAN’T REACH IT WITH MY DICK WITH NO EFFORT THEN WHY EVEN BOTHER! The clitoral head alone contains 8,000 nerve endings—4x as many as exist on the larger head of the penis. It’s the only part of the body that exists solely for pleasure, without any reproductive or other functions. He’s expecting you to have a magical, wonderful sex life while only performing sex acts that ignore your primary sex organ. (If you want to learn more about female bodies, you should check out this project and/or read Cunt)
So, the bottom line is he’s exploiting the fact that he’s a man. He expects sex to be about him and, honestly, you’re letting him get away with it. I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t enjoy similar sex acts to me if sex was important in the relationship (in the same way I probably wouldn’t date a super vanilla person because they might not be into doing the same things I enjoy). If he’s so into dicks and dick sucking, maybe he should date a man? Having sex with women is so much more than just putting a dick inside and that doesn’t seem like a privilege he deserves.
*This is notwithstanding any issues involving asexuality or the fact that people can have romantic relationships without sex. Since you have a relationship that involves sex I addressed it in those terms*
Good goood. Men always have such issues going down on a lady but always expect a girl to do it for him? Haha no fuck u
Hate guys like that :[
I will no longer accept men who won’t return the favor.
As a guy let me start this by saying that not all me are like that. As a man I personally enjoy eating a woman out, however it is not because a woman gives me a blowjob is because I love the woman have no problem doing it is actually one of my favorite sexual experiences. Women just like men should not expect to have oral intercourse just because they’re in a relationship it is not fair to categorize all men into the same category as one man that would be like me saying all women are feminists and bitches just because one woman is in fact that way. Because some men like myself actually enjoy the act and we enjoy getting the same act in turn. Men can be selfish lovers and so can women it is a person that should be judged and not the sex of that individual..
This was typed on a phone. Sorry for any spelling or grammatical errors.